When Is A Dream Just That?

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?


-Langston Hughes

That should be a familiar poem to most of you, especially if you went to high school in The United States. This brilliant work greatly influenced the play "A Raisin in the Sun" by Lorraine Hansberry, which is a truly monumental piece of literature, as well as a staple in our educational system. So anyway, I'm sure it's not new to the majority of you, but look at those words again. They're incredible.
Do they move you as deeply as they do me? Can you see yourself somewhere in there? I randomly stumbled upon the poem today and it couldn't have come at a better time for me. I'm currently wrestling with those exact questions in my own life.
In this country, we're told we can "be anyone you wanna be" pretty much straight from the womb. The ideology of individuality is deeply embedded in our culture. Everyone is trying to "be somebody", to make a statement, orsome kind of mark on the world. The problem is, it's a solid, immovable, fact that only a tiny percentage of people get even the chance to taste their proverbial 15 minutes of fame. The other 99.99% of the world have to wake up every day and earn their living in all kinds of ways that I'm sure for the overwhelming majority of us, doesn't look ANYTHING like what our dreams told us was possible. Ah...dreams, remember those? If yours are still alive and well, or if you're living yours, or even working towards them, I applaud you. I seriously do, you give the rest of us, who have repeatedly watched ours smashed and disfigured beyond recognition, hope that it is still possible to follow them to a destination that isn't bagging groceries at the neighborhood grocery store.
I guess what I'm asking myself is, when is it time to let a dream go? To accept the fact that maybe that's all it ever was, and your just not going to be able to pull it off? We teach our children to dream big here in America, but there is also a not as talked about time limit attached to those encouraging words. At some point, just being a productive member of society becomes the mandatory requirement for all of us, and if your dream hasn't been realized by then, oh well. You better learn to work on it during your precious few hours away from the picture frame factory. Society, man was I ignorant to it's demands! I had no idea growing up, that just being an insignificant player would cost this much! I mean, after rent/mortgage, utilities (gas, electric, water, garbage), cable/internet, car insurance, food, gas, college loans, credit card, cell phone, and all the other bills, where is there room left for a dream? And let's face it, all those things I mentioned are just what's required to have a "normal life". That's just getting by. Bring a partner, or children, even pets, into the mix and the cost of living goes up. "Cost of living", Earn a living", that wasn't part of the dream. When did I agree to those terms? While we're on that note, for the second year in a row, I owe the government tax money, how is that possible? I'm always working, I make so little, they take so much, and still I owe more? It's crazy.
So, these dreams, these passions, those things that I feel must be done. What do I do with them? Well, into my third decade, is it time to settle with myself and accept the role of 9-5 (if your lucky) worker guy? Are they just childish fantasies, and it's time to man up and just do what has to be done? Do I put them down? Do I continue to let the wound fester? Or do I cauterize it and let it heal over with thick impenetrable scar tissue? Is it possible to hover somewhere around the bottom of the economic ladder, play the society game, and still invest the time, passion, discipline, and determination, it takes to see a dream come to fruition? These are my questions.
Well, I guess I'm just not ready to give in yet. Here comes the cliche of the millennium, but it's so true...life REALLY is too short, and the world is so huge. We're only given this extremely brief moment. For me, it's not about making a mark anymore. It's about being true to myself. I just want to be able to close my eyes every night and know that my in my little life, dreams are being realized, ideals are being upheld, and I'm not compromising myself in any way. Is that too much to ask for? Is that an overly romantic notion of life? I don't know. I'm just sayin.